What my last hospital admission taught me...

Hello all, I hope you are doing well. I thought I would share a little bit about what my recent hospital admission has taught me.

I noticed I had learned a lot and made a shit ton of progress.

While I was there I saw an old friend (staff member) Sarah. Who I haven’t seen in a while. She brung up something my first ever nurse told me on my first ever admission. “are you a victim today or are you a survivor” and when I say damn that hit hard, it really really hit hard. I started noticing the fact that I can choose to be the victim and let one of my abusers win. I could not eat, I could self harm, I could allow myself to dissociate, not try or give up. Or I could choose to be the survivor. Eat anyway, get through my urges, and try my best to fight my “demons”. it was harsh when she said it at first. But Melanie(the nurse) has forever made an impact on my life. And it’s true. It wasn’t my choice to get hurt, and it is my choice if I want to continue to let it hurt me and tear me down or build me up and make me stronger. I’ve been thinking about “the Mel line” Since I got out and while I was there a lot and it has been really helpful.

onto the next...

Another thing a nurse told me, nurse Emily. when He told me I don’t deserve to eat and that i shouldn’t eat,

He was trying to make me weak. so he can hurt me more. I never thought of it that way. I didnt like eating because I knew or thought I knew that I wasn’t safe if I didn’t eat. But the truth is I’m more unsafe if I don’t eat. He tried to get in my brain and I will be honest he did. And I am so glad there was a second person to show me the truth.

Nurse Jess. She was and is so special to me. she showed me I can trust someone and they won’t turn on me. She showed me that there is kind people out there. She also taught me that I am seriously hurting my body and if I don’t stop soon I’ll have long term health problems likely. she also taught me that someone is always there for me. And at the time I didn’t believe it but now I do. And in that time it was her.

maybe I’ll do a part two cause honestly my hands are getting tired from typing.

but I hope these words I was told can help some of you in any way.

lots of love,

Chloe.