My Story...

Taken it back

Growing up before the age of 10 I was a pretty normal child. Eating whatever I want. Playing with toys and dolls. I had big blue eyes, short blonde hair with crooked cut bangs. I was always happy. I had a passion for animals. I still feel really connected with animals. I started getting abused by a few people from 10 years old to 17 years old. I lost interest in living. I had no hope left. No one understood me. half of my family doesn't even believe me. I felt so alone at 12/13 years old still in the closet as someone who liked girls, my girlfriend who was also my best friend took her life on facetime with me. I was already suicidal before that. and it just made me more suicidal. I kept attempting to see her from 14-17 years old. and once at 13.  would have given anything to see her again. and still would. I loved her so much. I know I was young but she made me so happy. I would stay up all night talking to her. She was so kind and had such a bright spirit. Her heart was so pure, even after everything that has happened to her.  My traumas have taken such a big toll on my life. Every day is a battle. And I'm still here. I developed an eating disorder around 10 years old but didn't start actually doing anything to restrict or purge until I was 13/14 years old. Most of my eating habits came from one of my abusers and the fear he left me in. and the shame he made me feel about my body. I would be in and out of the hospital for 3 years. It was so hard going there every time. I just didn't want to be on this earth. I'm still fighting though. And this time I'm willing to try. So here we go. My abusers and depression can fuck off!!