I've always been told that I'm going through all this pain for a reason. it took time but I slowly started to believe it when people said it.
"Maybe I do have a purpose."
"Maybe I am meant to help people like me" are two of the thoughts that keep going through my head.
I've always wanted to be what is so-called a "healer" or "peacemaker" I've been so passionate about making people smile, feel less alone, and feel and know they are loved by at least someone. I've been thinking about it more and more. I've wanted to be a therapist for 3 years now almost 4. I want to do speeches to kids in middle school and high school about prioritizing their mental health. I want to donate to charities and take people who have little to no money out to eat and to get a hair cut and a new toothbrush. I want to be a role model for kids to be kind to everyone you meet. and to do that.
I have to be alive.
I have to be alive are the few words that have been ringing in my head the past few days.
There is darkness for a reason. You don't have to believe me. But I'm just asking you to ponder on it.
If I have not gone t˙rough hell and back I would not have to try.
If I have not gotten abused I wouldn't want to share my story and become a therapist.
If my girlfriend didn't pass away I wouldn't care so much about how bullying and abuse affect people.
If I didn't develop depression and anxiety that made me isolate, I bet I wouldn't be as passionate about my art.
If I didn't have to go to a psych ward for safety I would have met all those kind and generous beings that have literally changed my life for the better.
There is darkness and damn it sure does feel like I have been through a lot. AND there is lots and lots of light.
lots of my happy moments and memories wouldn't exist if I didn't go through all of the pain I went through.
Even though sometimes it's hard. and hard to be grateful for it, I am still grateful for the pain and the darkness.
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